Walls are meant to be broken down the way rules are meant to be broken. We’re meant to break down the walls that get in our way. We’re supposed to tear down the walls that we build up around our hearts.
I haven’t been so good at breaking down walls in my life; I’ve been damn good at building them. Particularly around my heart.
When I was first going through treatment for the CRPS, an old acquaintance complained that I was writing updates about my condition on Facebook. I was in bad shape and couldn’t go out often, so I kept people in the loop via Facebook. Well, that comment shut me up. I didn’t post any more updates about the chronic pain for nearly a year. To this day it makes me think twice about sharing my journey through any social network or blog.
A year and a half later, I started an new job and kept the chronic pain a secret from my new coworkers for 6 months. I am really good at telling friends and family that I am a-ok even when I am having a particularly bad day. I spent a good couple years pushing away everyone who cared about me because I watched this condition take its toll on everyone I knew. And when it destroyed a long-term relationship, I knew that I had to lock it all up behind some pretty high walls.
I am currently trying to break those walls down. I’ve shared my condition with my coworkers. My friends now know when I am headed in for a new treatment or when I am having good days. I started writing this blog.