Courage isn’t lacking fear or blindly standing up to it. It is knowing the stakes and moving forward. It is using the strength and hope you have or the strength and hope from your support system to soldier on. To fight the good fight.
You know what was scary? The day I told the world that I was sick/disabled/in constant pain. I told the internet, and then I told my boss. And then there was the first time I became a robot (which was before I told the world what was going on). I mentioned surgery only after it happened. to friends.
I moved to Chicago with 9 months left on a lease for a job I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to be able to keep. A doctor kept telling me that working full time was probably not in my cards. I just worked a month with overtime, blogged daily and managed to have a wee bit of a social life. And four nerve blocks. Take that doctor.
I let them replace my faulty robot parts. I have agreed to medical tests and treatments that might just be crazy.
Sure, I am not going to die today, this month or even this year, but it doesn’t mean that this isn’t a scary thing to navigate. If it weren’t for my friends and family, I don’t know that I’d have the courage or the strength to face a commute (or even just living) in this Chicago winter. Never knowing if the cold is going to trigger a flare of soul crushing pain. Not knowing if you can hide the pain from your coworkers or clients. The fear and uncertainty of it all is opressive, until you find the courage to enter the battle and hold on to the hope that you might win.