Home » HAWMC Day 18: This might come out wrong

HAWMC Day 18: This might come out wrong

I am attempting the Wego Health Activist Writers’ Month Challenge. A post each day in April. So, now that I told you I am going to do it, I oughta follow through, right? Today’s prompt is to write about a time that someone said something to you that they wished they could take back. Did you forgive them? Why or why not?

“This isn’t a good time for you to have your surgery. It’s not like you have cancer.”

I had been suffering from the non-stop pain of CRPS for nearly a year and a half. I had suffered through an intrathecal drug pump, 18 nerve blocks and a pile of prescription drugs. And to be fair, my boss did have cancer, which is always a horrible and scary thing.

But that doesn’t mean that my health was ok to be ignored. And I love my old boss.

So, when she was diagnosed, I took my time getting life together for my spinal cord stimulator implant. I did the psychological testing. I did the x-rays. And I started the process of fighting with my insurance to get everything all prepped.

All said and done, it tool five months from the decision to have the implant to the time I was able to finally schedule the surgery. I was finally going to have some relief.

But it wasn’t a good time. The place I was working was struggling financially. I was rebuilding all the websites that we had, but we had fired our in-house web developer. I was managing a creative team and making sure a newspaper got printed every day. My boss had reduced her hours after having chemo. I knew this.

But I needed to take care of me. So, I asked about scheduling surgery. I needed to give my body a break. and they told me:

“You know the timing is bad. We have websites that you need to launch. [Your boss] is not able to be here full time. This isn’t a good time for you to have your surgery. It’s not like you have cancer. You should really put it off”

But, really?

I’m not sure I forgiven the woman who said that to me. Why? Because I had been very open about the treatment process. What my condition was. How it affected my job. I had even gotten in trouble for tweeting about feeling miserable and just wanting my mom.

They knew how bad it was, and yet, because it wasn’t cancer, it wasn’t a priority. They didn’t understand, and I couldn’t make them understand.  It took my boss coming back and telling me to take care of myself for me to finally get the treatment I needed.

I know it is time to move on and forgive. So I will try. Their ignorance was the catalyst for a waterfall of good in my life.

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